Saturday, August 22, 2020

Cat Diary Chronicles 12/2/93

Cat Diary Chronicles



What are the cat diary chronicles? These are two diaries found in a storage locker by storage locker pickers. The author of the diaries is now deceased. I thought it would be fun to share them. All traceable names will be changed. We will be starting with the Siamese Diary. 


12/2/93

Who would have ever have thought that at 42 one could get quite so infatuated with someone like you. You must think I'm quite over the edge. I count it off to old age and loneliness-wanting to talk to you about just about anything so I can watch you. Afraid to ask questions 'list I pry into your life. Wanting to touch you to see if you're real or a figment of my imagination. You remind me of a perennial young kid-your eyes dance and that smile that isn't quite sure. Sure, everyone says "Ask him out" but I'd just die if you said NO. Petco is "safe" I can always rush to retrieve Sable or wait on other customers out of duty. But what I really want to do is not at all moral or pristine. At least this inflation prevents either of us from being hurt and I fear I will always have my guard up. Still I wonder what you'd be like-ah yes. Shame on me! Talk about a cat in heat. Or hormones.

You titillate me and I feel my self central vanish. I "sounds like my kind of girl" when I told you about my studio apartment. You who could probably get any girl you wanted. and me, who has less than nothing. Wrong side of the tracks. Dumb enough to give it all away out of sense of pity and remorse. She who relinquished all rights to property purchased jointly because of a false sense of guilt. You believe that J and I were married-we weren't.  But still we were together 10 years-when all was said and done, eh walked away a richer man. I remained the hurt woman. And four years have nearly passed without laughing or being touched-and then I look at you and feel exposed. This is most disconcerting.

I suspect nothing will ever come of these conversations, , although the thought of something happening is most intriguing-I can only wait and hope to know you better-and learn to button my lip.

But you make me nervous and feel so so damned vulnerable.

This is NOT part of me-I can stand on my own and have for sometimes-but you make me feel that leaving (? hard to read) would be ok.

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