Thursday, November 4, 2021



Good morning happy Friday eve! 
I've been wide awake since 4am thinking about how hungry I am so I just got up. Eating my sad oatmeal packet while the coffee brews. I keep hearing a ringing noise, it must be Trevor's alarm or something.

Yesterday I watched the little one again but at my house. He was upset when his mom left so we went for a walk around the block. When we got back he took a pretty long nap and then we had some dinner. He did pretty good at the table. Didn't care that much for the zucchini haha. He liked my "casserole" though. After he left it was almost 8 so I just went to bed and watched videos on my phone. Not sure what time I fell asleep but it was after 10.

Today I have an appointment for a pap smear. I haven't had one of those in ages. I'm at the age where I have friends getting boobs lobbed off so I figured I should probably take myself in for the woman stuff. I have a mammogram appointment in a couple weeks. 

Sheesh the cats think that since I'm up I should be feeding them their breakfast.

Anyhow,  I was looking at "my chart" online and the doctor put in his notes after my last visit IN RED that I am obese. While yes, according to my BMI which is also in my chart from that day I AM obese I can't help but be triggered by that. Dumb I know since it's just a word but wtf.  He was so bothered that I was overweight he had to put it in red. Nice. Good thing I don't have an eating disorder. Pretty much anyone I know who is in the "healthy BMI" range is anorexic. It is not a realistic weight range for a normal person. 

The only time as an adult I've made it to the "healthy" weight range (which only lasted about 5 minutes) I was running several miles almost every day, biking 50-70 miles on the weekend, going to the gym daily and barely eating. Did I look great? Sure, but I don't think I was really healthy in all sense of the word.  My mom is almost 70 and she is STILL on a diet. Both my grandmas had to diet their whole lives. My dad's mom told me when she hit 80 she gave up, she said if she was skinny by now it wasn't going to happen haha. I'm pretty sure it is in our DNA to be chunky ;)

So obviously I'm triggered haha.

Too bad the doctors don't spend any time with you to listen that you've been working from home for a year and a half during a pandemic. Pretty much was stuck in the house with a teenager 24/7 for most of that time (good thing he is usually fun haha), survived Covid, etc. I'm kind of happy I don't weigh 400 pounds. One day at a time here just doing the best I can. 

Trevor just got up and turned the heater on. It feels like it's 5000 degrees in here. Ok off to read a few blogs. Have a good day everyone!

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